My Name is Marsha Hull and I am an Addict...

        Hi, this is me. My name is Marsha Hull and I am an addict.  I am addicted to all things pertaining to the spirit of Jesus Christ.  I can't get enough.  Everyday when I am sinful, lonely, or lost, I crave the forgiveness and blessings of His spirit.  I need His atonement in my life. No matter how far away I find myself from Him, I yearn for peace that only He can give.

        Ok, seriously...well I was serious. I really do crave the spirit of Christ.  I have tried too many times to "get through" this life without Him.  And I forget my self-worth when I push Him away.

        Every once in a while, (wish it were more) I find the time to sit down at the piano and sing songs of praise to my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.  It truly reminds me of the testimony I have of them.  Today, I had the opportunity to play and sing.  As a result, I have felt impressed to write this blog.

        I am going to be posting some songs that I recorded today.  Now keep in mind this was recorded by my means of...oh...well...yeah...my cell phone. ;) "Some day" I will own the equipment to have my own recording studio.  This is my dream.  You will find that the recordings aren't perfect. You will hear my kids making loud noises in the background, my page turning and it won't sound like the recording you would hear from a professional. However, the point isn't on how it is done, nor how imperfect I might sound on the piano or in my singing, it is that these songs have messages that I need and that maybe someone else needs, dunno.

        I recently started a night job cleaning an office building.  It has in many, many, many ways been a struggle for my family.  But in many, many, many other ways, a blessing in disguise for me. Because the job entails vacuuming, emptying trash cans, dusting, etc. I have the opportunity to put some earbuds in and listen to music, or whatever else I choose.  In the beginning I thought "Sweet!! I can listen to church music, conference talks, maybe even the scriptures." Very quickly after that thought, another one came.  "But if you do that you will slow down, and might not get your work done on time." I gave into the second thought that first week of work.  By the end of that week, I felt like something was missing.  I was kind of tired of all the hip hop, modern day jumbo.  Not to mention there were songs that came on Pandora I know I have heard my kids sing and couldn't believe the message behind the song.  I'm pretty confident my kids are oblivious to the meaning, but still...this is filling their minds with junk.  And it was filling my mind with junk as well.

       So...my mind went back to my original thought of listening to church music or something more spiritual.  I was introduced to "The Mormon Channel".  LOVE IT!!  I found myself with a "different" energy that could only come from listening to things of the spirit.  I mixed things up between listening to music, music with a message, general conference messages and listening to the scriptures. My thoughts have since been turned to reflect on how far I really have gone away from the things of the spirit.  I heard this particular song on one of the music with a message programs. It brought me back to my days as a full time missionary. I truly want and have craved the feelings of the spirit I felt during that year and a half of my life.

       This song is called "Feel the Fire". Words and Music by Julie de Azevedo and Tyler Castleton.
For whatever reason this won't play on google chrome. But Firefox allows for it.  Here is the link to the song. The first link is to an mp3 the other is an m4a file. Don't know if it will make a difference. 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_K-Wx2cp0jycDlpY3JOWnR1MWc/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_K-Wx2cp0jyNTJUR1loVDRqeGM/view?usp=sharing


        This is honestly how I have been feeling as of late. When we neglect the basic principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, it's easy to see the flames of our testimonies dwindle.  I offer up a few basic principles that we must remember in order for our lives to be filled with peace.  Not trial free, but full of peace.

        First:  We CAN NOT neglect our own personal daily scripture study.  It's sometimes hard to find time to pick up the scriptures. I know, I have used that same excuse for too many years now.  I still haven't picked them up... :)  Because, now I listen to them.  It is absolutely amazing what lessons I am learning from hearing them, rather than reading them.  One of the first things I have learned, is that history repeats itself.  The people of the church today are no different than the people of the church in the scriptures.  Members of Christ's church fell away then just as they are now.  It has been a reoccurring theme in the scriptures.  However, this is not my focus, really and truly it has been the amazing faith that our brothers and sisters of old had.  There is SO much to be learned from them.  In the book of Alma of the Book of Mormon we learn about faith.  Faith is like a little seed, if planted it will grow.  If nourished, it will continue to thrive.

        The next song is about the many examples of faith. And I am truly amazed by them. This is called "Amazing Things". Written by Julie de Azevedo and Tom Hopkins, Arranged by Derek Brown.

http://youtu.be/cyw-Wxzj8oI

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_K-Wx2cp0jyN1JkSDFrd0FOUjA/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_K-Wx2cp0jyaS1TdVN1YUVSZGc/view?usp=sharing

        We can all be "Mother Teresa's", "President Monsons", "the 2000 stripling warriors" and more, if we have faith enough.  When we study the scriptures, we invite the spirit to teach us and direct us to do good. We forget about ourselves and we go to work doing good in this world.

        Second:  We MUST get on our knees in constant communication with our Father in Heaven.  We MUST forget about the things of this world and have heart to hearts with Him.  And if we struggle to pray, and feel it isn't real, we get on our knees and ask Him to help us get there. And we do that until it IS real and we feel the spirit in our lives again.  I personally am not the greatest example of one who is on their knees all the time.  But, I know when I feel the spirit, and when I sing in praises to Him, I feel it is a prayer.  I will get better. Because I know that I can only become stronger by doing such.  And I can only "get through" this life by getting on my knees and asking for help and showing gratitude for all of my many blessings, and they are many!!

        This next song I stumbled across while serving my mission.  This is entitled "A Prayer From The Heart" Words by Barbara Tanner and Music by Lex de Azevedo.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_K-Wx2cp0jydnFPWXo2ODIwMlE/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/open?id=0B_K-Wx2cp0jySFh1cWl6b0dpTWc&authuser=0

       We all go through many trials in our lives and sometimes we wonder if it can get any worse. Whatever those trials may be, and no matter how hard they are, we CAN get through them if we are close to the things of the spirit.  They won't go away, and maybe they will get harder, but I know that as we live each day and not neglect the things that matter most, we will live a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

        Last but certainly not least, we MUST come unto Christ.  We MUST partake of the His atoning sacrifice.  We MUST apply this to our lives daily.  He is the life and the way.  Only by Him can we return to our Father in Heaven again.  I have a testimony of Jesus Christ, I have felt His atonement in my life and I know He lives! I have been the recipient of many miracles and blessings in my life.

        The last song is an invitation for all to "Come Unto Christ". Yes that is the title, and it has been around since I was a youth.  I loved it then, and I love it now! Jesus Christ is where we will find peace. He is the path to eternal life!!

        "Come Unto Christ" Words and Music by Julie de Azevedo (geepers another Azevedo song: I didn't realize until). Arranged by Clive Romney

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_K-Wx2cp0jySGlJaFBTNUpraFk/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B_K-Wx2cp0jyS2t6U3o5cmd3MTg/view?usp=sharing




     

YES, I am THAT Mom!

          It was a beautiful March Sunday morning in Meridian, Idaho. Prior to that morning, I was flooded with reminders of, "Hey! Don't forget to set your clocks forward..." Ugh...!!! I really do NOT like daylight savings time... in the spring? I don't mind gaining my hour in the fall, but losing one?!?! ( I digress.)

          So...I'm awoken to the bitter sweet sound of a beautiful, crying, one-year old angel daughter of mine. The clock says it's 7:45, but my body says otherwise. If you could have read my mind, this is the internal argument you would have heard. "I really do not want to be awake right now.  I know church isn't until 11:00, but Warren is playing weekend warrior with the National Guard, maybe I should just stay home. It's been a long week, and kids have been sick the last three.  Do I feel sick myself? Hmm...does my stomach feel a little queasy? Nope, just my tired body (darn). I really don't want to go to church with five kids by myself." (Insert more screaming children in the background
Oh!...I could go on and on and on....and......on...as to my many thoughts.

          My thoughts then turn to another moment in time...when the world looked at me as if to say "you are the worst mother on the planet, maybe even universe. (Ok, maybe "the universe" is a little exaggerative...maybe. (Apparently "exaggerative" isn't even a word.)  After having my five wonderful children, grocery shopping became one of the GREATEST sources of my anxieties! (That might be an understatement.) More times than not, I put off this feat for as long as I can...until...I can't.

          With my two youngest children in tow, (ages 1 and 3) I found my way to the one, and only, store I avoid like the plague. Rarely do I have a great experience there.  Now, I probably shouldn't call them out by name, but, as my husband would say, it rhymes with "Walfart". (I could try to make that word, into something not so... "boy"...but then it wouldn't be "how my husband says it".  Not to mention, I kind of feel the same sentiment.) Moving on...I'm at the store with one child in the seat of the cart and another in the basket of the cart.  My three year old, at the time, had fallen asleep.  Once this dreaded moment occurred, I knew I was staring at a recipe for disaster. We're not at home, he's not in a comfortable place, he's a grouch when he wakes up from naps (rarely do I let him nap because of this).  I am all but two items away from completing my shopping list. If I hurry, maybe my shopping will be completed before he wakes up. To no avail, he is now awake. Instead of using his "words" he begins to scream, to which I can only assume "he must need to use the bathroom." Quickly, with my one year old- who has now insisted on being carried- on my hip, I attempt (and succeed) to push the full cart, with said screaming kid, to the back of the store so we can use the family bathroom.
                                                         
          I am not one to really "care" about what others think of me.  I do my best and that, my friend, is all I can ask of myself. To NO surprise, the stares and looks start flooding in.  Still screaming, he finally uses the bathroom. Well, that was not good enough. Now he wants to be held. Not only does he want to be held, but his sister doesn't want to be put down either.   Hmm...I am not a mathematician by any means, but I like to think I can accomplish simple addition.  One Mom, two arms, two crying babies and one shopping cart full of groceries has an impossible outcome. The answer was simple...one-year old equals less than twenty pounds, four-year old equals thirty some pounds. Well, into the cart the four-year old went. And of course... the screaming continued again. At this point, now all of the employees joined in the "looks" and telepathic conversations. It was very apparent I had almost been defeated. I almost decided to leave the cart right there and then.  Even told the employees that I might just have to to that. I think the response was, "wouldn't be the first time, nor probably the last time that has happened." Oh!!...If you could see the look on her face. Telepathically, (because we know each others' thought, right? lol) I heard, "Great! if she leaves that full cart, we are going to have to put away ALL those items ourselves." And in my mind, I thought, "Great! If I leave my cart, I will have to come back to this dreadful place and do it ALL over again. And, if I go home now, I am giving in to my child's demands. (At this point, he wanted to go home.)

          Dilemma! Definitely a dilemma!  I looked at my phone to see what time it was...2:45 p.m. "Ooh...Warren's contract time is almost over. Maybe he can leave a few minutes early to come and get the kids. If he can leave now, it will take maybe 15 minutes for him to get here." Problem solved! "How, on Earth, am I going handle this until he gets here?" 

          Up to this point, I felt I had been pretty patient.  I hadn't screamed at him. Hadn't humiliated him like some parents may have.  I did speak firmly with expressions of my expectations on behavior.  Told him that we only had a few items left to grab and then we could go home.  And then it was silent!! Sweet!! Finally!! No more tears! We can make our way back to the front of the store again! (All those exclamations don't do justice in expressing how excited I really was to be done.)

          All was well, until we get to the freezer aisle.  And then I am asked the question that every parent, in my opinion, should have the same answer for. "May I have a treat?" Ha! Yeah right! I don't think so! After that whole ordeal? Yeah, not going to happen. Of course I said it in the most loving way possible. ;) Okay, it was just a very firm "not right now." His behavior by no means merited a treat.  Oh!! Now all "hell" broke loose.  Thought the screaming before was bad?...now let's add kicking and spitting AND screaming! He's still sitting in the cart. I took a step back to avoid getting kicked. And let him throw his tantrum.

          Remember that dream Lehi had about the "iron rod"? Yeah me too.  Remember those people from the great and spacious building pointing and making fun and saying mean things about those who held on to the rod? Yep, me too!  I felt like I was the Mom holding to the rod, and the people around me were from the great and spacious building. The stares I had before, had now turned to glares and whispers under their breaths.  Even one of the store clerks kept peeking around the corner of the aisle with a glare on his face.

          I see two elderly ladies walk by me, glare at me and then stop to say something to each other, looking over their shoulder at me.  With my hands up in surrender, I invited them...maybe not so nicely...if they thought they could do a better job, to go for it.  They walk away.  Another lady stops, (half expected her to say something rude) and apologized for the ladies that hadn't been so kind.  What?!? A nice person...finally!! I thanked her and she went on her way.  I see another lady stop and she says something to the older ladies and then comes and reassures me that I am doing fine and just to ignore what they had to say.  She was almost protective of me at this point, and continued her shopping but stayed close.

          After what seemed like a century, Warren shows up! Alleluia!! (Funny thing, the crying stops instantly). Sigh!!...I send the kids home with him and then finish grabbing my last two items. (Yeah, that whole time, still hadn't been able to grab those items.) The whole scenario probably lasted about 45 minutes. After Warren and the kids leave,  I am left to reflect on my situation.

          First:  NO! I was NOT that Mom who gave into her child's every tantrum.  It seems, more and more children these days feel and act as if they are "entitled" to anything and everything they want.

In the October General Conference 1995, Elder Richard G. Scott said;  
          "Character is woven quietly from the threads of hundreds of correct decisions. When strengthened by obedience and worthy acts, correct decisions form a fabric of character that brings victory in times of great need."

          "Character is woven quietly..." First, there was nothing "quiet" about my situation at hand. However, it was one thread in the character making of my child.  I am hopeful that this one thread, or choice not to "give in" will not be the only "good" thread I can give him, but will far out weigh the many mistakes I have made a long the way. When all is said and done, will my children be as the Army of Helaman and say, "we do not doubt our mother's knew it?" (Alma 56:48) Or will they be lost and become like the children of Israel, scattered not knowing which direction to go.

          Second:  NO! I was NOT that Mom who abandoned her cart. I knew myself, I would not have had the strength, nor the energy, to go back and do it again (even if it was by myself).  The "natural man" in me has not learned to overcome all my limitations...yet. Emotionally, I was drained. My trial had worn my physical and very mortal body. Taking heed to the scripture in Mosiah 4:27: "...for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength." My decision to stay and wait for Warren, so I could finish shopping, was the right one for me at that time.

          Third: (And most important!)  YES! I am that Mom who said a silent prayer in my heart and asked Heavenly Father to help me get through this situation without doing or saying something I would regret.  YES! Heavenly Father did send me relief via my husband. However, He did more than that. While standing in that aisle, Heavenly Father apologized for those ladies. He told me, it would be okay. Just to ignore what they had to say. And then He reassured me that I was doing a great job as a mother.

          The two women who spoke to me and offered kind words?  They were the voice of Heavenly Father at that moment.  The spirit directed them to me. In the right place at the right time, those two women gave me the peace Heavenly Father wanted me to have. 

          Too often, we allow ourselves to act how the rest of the world would rather us act. The  problem with this? Everyone has different ideas on how "things" should be.  There is not one "catch all solution." We are all different! That is how Heavenly Father wants it!  Each child has their own strengths and weaknesses!  To someone else, it would have been easier to just "abandon the cart". To others, like myself, the anxiety of having to come back at the store that she'd rather not be at, was more daunting than the struggle at hand.  I didn't LOVE, that people had to endure the loud screaming. But I kept a prayer in my heart, and did what I felt was best for our situation.

          Let's come full circle! As much as I didn't want to attend my church meetings with my kiddos by myself, it was the right thing to do.  I might not have "felt" it today, but the lesson I've learned

many times over are:  Heavenly Father knows what's best for us.  And if we will but follow those sweet whisperings of the spirit, blessings will be offered to us daily.  Given the spiritual blessing of "peace" in times of struggle (in my mind) is far better than any temporal blessing I've been given.

     
 So..Chin up MOMS everywhere!!  We can win these battles if we have Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ on our side. The best thing is, they are ALWAYS on our side! Are we on theirs?